The Sh!t No One Tells You About Pregnancy: A Guide to Surviving Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Beyond by Dawn Dais

Author:Dawn Dais
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Da Capo Press
Published: 2017-11-01T04:00:00+00:00

PINK, BLUE, OR YELLOW

To gender or not to gender

YOU WILL FIND that once you are to the showing stage of your pregnancy (when people can actually tell you are pregnant, and not just bloated from a visit to a large buffet), you will constantly be asked if you know what gender you are having. Then you will be asked if you are excited or disappointed about that gender, as if that is an appropriate question to ask a person. If you happen to say that you aren’t finding out the gender, you will be met with looks of confusion and fear. Which, again, is totally appropriate.

Deciding whether to find out the gender of your baby in advance is an extremely personal choice and one that you probably made long before you even got pregnant. Because you’ve known for a long time what kind of person you are.

If you are like me, you know full well that there is no way on God’s green earth that you would be able to wait 40 weeks to find out the gender of your child. So it probably never even crossed your mind. What did cross your mind was to stock up on those over-the-counter gender-reveal pee tests that you can take as early as 10 weeks along. Because, as with me, patience is probably not one of your stronger qualities.

For those of you who were blessed with a weaker Control Freak gene, you may be excited to wait until your child arrives to find out their gender. This will be the biggest surprise of your life and you can wait a few extra months to make the reveal all that more fun. While I have a lot of respect for your willpower, I have some questions about your logic.

I’ve never really understood the “There are only so many good surprises in life, why not wait to find out?” argument. I mean, how surprised are you really going to be? You are birthing a child, a human child. That much is known. This isn’t the Price Is Right. It’s not like you are going to push and then they are going to hold up a big-screen TV or maybe a trip to Italy and say, “Surprise! Look what you have won!” Spoiler alert: It’s going to be a child. It’s going to have one of two possible genital situations happening. It’s not that surprising.

And isn’t it equally surprising to find out at week 12 as it is to find out after 40 weeks and 26 hours of labor? After screaming and drugs and pushing and cussing and kicking a nurse do you really care if it’s a boy or a girl? No, you are just happy to have it out of you, no matter its genitalia.

The only people who get a real surprise in regard to gender are the ones who are told the wrong sex by their ultrasound technician. The ones who vomit pink all over their baby’s nursery and then push a penised child out at their delivery.

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